Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
