he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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