You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
