i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
