we have officially lost it.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
