Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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