is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
