Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
