this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
