meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
