My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
