I just cut my nipple shaving
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
