my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
should my penis look like a turkey
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
