After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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