When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
