oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
