theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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