Did you just see the Batmobile???
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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