She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
