Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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