I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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