How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
