I skipped work to stalk him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
