I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
