***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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