He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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