We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.