No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
