dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pants are for mortals
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"