That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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