I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
