Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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