Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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