i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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