HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
