they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
