i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
