do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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