Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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