I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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