I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
