Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
