that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
