Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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