Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
