DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
