her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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