I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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