he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i think i just lost a toe
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
