My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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