I want to make a zoo with you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.