Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  you smoke with your eyes?

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  (203): i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed (787): you smoke with your eyes? http://tfl.nu/xom7
  Replies (8) Good night (2441) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?

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  (314): Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent? http://tfl.nu/oc2y
  Replies (20) Good night (991) Bad night (1980)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...

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  (828): Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was... http://tfl.nu/29hb
  Replies (31) Good night (4358) Bad night (1589)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.

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  (215): I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now. http://tfl.nu/hl5z
  Replies (6) Good night (3831) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?

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  (203): He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him? http://tfl.nu/bxd1
  Replies (24) Good night (1860) Bad night (5173)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

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  (850): it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday http://tfl.nu/fl8q
  Replies (2) Good night (3192) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

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  (206): We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts. http://tfl.nu/k2p7
  Replies (18) Good night (6599) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

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  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (9336) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.

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  (662): There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up. http://tfl.nu/6xku
  Replies (4) Good night (1929) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You might end up in the wrong class.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.

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  (910): Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class? (919): You might end up in the wrong class. (910): I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class. http://tfl.nu/dnad
  Replies (8) Good night (2027) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable

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  (916): Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5q9j
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (1212)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.

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  (740): Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes. http://tfl.nu/n93c
  Replies (4) Good night (2093) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.

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  (847): well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick. http://tfl.nu/owiw
  Replies (6) Good night (1674) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra

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  (616): be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra http://tfl.nu/3wvg
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.

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  (503): Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are. http://tfl.nu/rx55
  Replies (4) Good night (893) Bad night (392)

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