everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So much puke
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???