And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.