Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.