Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?