I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.