I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
