I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize