he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
