i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
