there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
