Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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