Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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