I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
