come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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