I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
