I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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