I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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